Peter’s Heart-Beads, No. 004 – What helped me through my Midlife Crisis?

My name is Peter and in this heart-bead I will talk about what helped me most in my crisis.

When my crisis hit me, I acted mostly pure intuitive and a lot of time not rational. Following my intuition was urgently needed, but most of my friends did not understand that, did not understand me and the process I was in.

My crisis was quite a long process and at the beginning I did not have much support. There were many times, where I felt really lost and without aim. Looking back, I clearly see what helped me most. Today, I’ll share some of that with you.

1. Be patient
The first important thing that I learned was: To be patient with myself. Looking back, I see that this was very important and something that i really needed to learn. In the beginning of my crisis I have put way too much pressure on myself.  I was so much conditioned to work towards a goal. I thought I NEEDED to find a solution and to have a plan for the future. Bullshit!  That was all Ideas from the outside, my programming from the past, but they did not match my own, my original  personal needs.

What I really needed was a break. I needed to give the process some time, a lot of time.  Inner changes of this profound depth evolve best without any pressure.  I have learned in that process, that it’s perfectly o.k. to live without aim for a while, to have no goal and nothing to work towards.

2. Open up
The exchange with understanding people was a very valuable thing in my midlife crisis. Opening up and talking about our struggles is a healing process in itself, whether it’s in groups, in one on one talks or in certain areas of social media. There is so much power in the spoken word and also in writing about our issues.

I experienced many people who were listening with an open heart, an open mind and coming with their reflections.

I would say that each of these talks had an effect on me and many were  highly inspiring.

It was through these valuable talks, that I got the idea of Midlife-Chance. 

3. Inspiration from elders
Yes, opening up to others was a big step, which helped me a lot in my crisis. Opening up towards elders took it to the next level.  The elders carry so much wisdom and knowledge, as many of them have already gone through similar times in their own life. Hearing them sharing their stories can be such an inspiration.

Yes, the times have changed, but many things about life are still the same as they always have been. Many of yesterday’s teachings are now more valid and valuable than ever.

4. Enough quiet time for myself

Quiet time, preferably in complete solitude and in nature was for me extremely helpful and nourishing as well. I recommend this to everybody else, without exception.

I was going into nature for 1 to 2 hours every single day and that lifted me up, every single day.

What I did intuitively since my childhood, is what nowadays is called “Forest Bathing”. Being alone, without any distractions, enabled me to look inside and to find out, who I really am, beyond all the conditionings and outside evaluations.

It is said that: To remember who you are, you need to forget who they told you to be.

And that can be hard work.

My quiet times in nature really helped we with all that and it is in nature, that I am best able to listen to my heart.

5. I Strengthened my spiritual path, but kept both feet on the ground

All human beings consist of four parts, spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical part. All four need to be in balance, if we want to live a healthy life. Mine was not really balanced.

Ever since I was born, I had a strong spiritual connection, but was not consciously nourishing it. Due to conditionings and common life concepts, I have neglected my spiritual connection.

Already long before my crisis, I started to consciously rediscovering this part of me.

I tried several things. Besides some things that did not work for me, that I did not like or did not feel right to me, there were quite some things that worked surprisingly well.

However, the greatest breakthrough for me was, when I was following my call towards North American Indians and joined a traditional Blackfoot sweatlodge. The door closed, it was totally dark, it was hot. Then I heard the drumming and the singing and there I was: HOME!

Besides rediscovering my love for drumming (in the shamanic way), I found my spiritual path and that helped me extremely to deal with my crisis and to get through it. This very grounded spiritual path strengthens my ability to listen much more to my heart and to follow that path of my heart. That is my key to true happiness and inner peace.

On that path, I found that the simple way of monotone shamanic drumming, helped me through many difficult situations, through my sadness, my anger, my frustration and thus, through my crisis.

6. The intense contact to a horse
It was basically in the later phase of my crisis, that my path crossed with a horse. I was blessed to be with that horse for 1,5 years. He was a wreck when I got him and a wonderful, vital, deep friend, when unfortunately, I was forced to leave him behind.

When a horse looks at us, it does not only see our body, it sees us in our wholeness, including our spirit, our energy, our character, as well as (very accurately) the current mood we are in.

I learned so much from that horse and it was the horse who taught me how to ride it.

Most important was that it mirrored what I needed to look at on myself. The only thing it required was, that I was completely present and open for any kind of communication towards the horse. If my thoughts were elsewhere, the horse was elsewhere.

7. Responsibility and action
I learned intensely, that I am the creator of my life and it’s 100% up to me, what I want to make out of it.  This is why I also had to take responsibility for my crisis.

We can’t do the same things over and over again and expect different results. So i had to make changes, adjustments and incorporate them into my life. Sometimes they were hard decisions, but I truly believe that when I honestly follow my heart, I can never be wrong.

However, I have to have in mind that I have to live with the consequences and unconditionally accept them. That’s where true strength lies.

It’s perfectly o.k. to go into a pity hole for a while and to rest, but then we need to take action and pull ourselves up again.

So, summing up, for me the important things were:

1. I had to be patient with myself!
2. I opened up and talked with understanding people.
3. I listened to the elders (and still do) and I think about their words.
4. Created enough quiet time/forest time for myself.
5. Balanced all the four parts of my being, and I strengthened my spirituality.
6. I had the Intense contact to a horse.
7. I took action, made changes and accepted these.

These were the things that helped me most and I hope that these words can inspire you on your own, your very unique path in life.